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15th-Sep-2008 08:53 pm
So many things are happening today.

My Step-Mom is actively pursuing leaving my Dad. I don't blame her but he is going to fall apart and I really need to actively pursue moving out in that case.

My ex is emailing me about meeting up with him before our divorce paperwork is final "to see if we are still friends"

I hate this idea.. because even thinking about the whole situation is so painful still and also because he usually turns things like this into power plays and because just even hearing his voice puts me into survival fight or flight mode.. on the other hand, could this be the way to get closure? by facing him off a bit and ... sort of like turning on the light if you're afraid of the dark to reassure yourself that it really isn't that scary... i don't know

I was so crabby all day and now I realize --- it's P.M.S. .. yeah, I really didn't know, so it's weird that it is a proven psychosomatic "western" thing.... because I really didn't know

My life feels tenuous right now. I want to cry, freak out, let go, breathe more. I want to curl up in a ball and lose my mind for five minutes.

I'm all about self-control and determination right now though.. I can breathe when I have a job and a place to live.

Thank goodness for James.. what would I do without videogames and pizza and rootbeer floats and amazing kisses?
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